Whither Manus?
For some, the name Manus Sinistra will forever be associated with ‘Systems’ in times past and with Pat Cousins, Mark O’Mhony and others of that ilk. For others, the name will be associated with before-my-time times and with people they’ve never known, such as Pat Cousins, Mark O’Mhony et al. When Manus appeared on desks last November there were those who recognised it (some even gave Pat Cousins the credit/blame) and those who said “what the hell is this?” The personnel changes within I.T. will have brought new personalities, new ideas and new styles. For these reasons it has been suggested that Manus Sinistra should join the other names that are no longer part of the department and that a new name be brought in to replace it. A new name that will be associated with the present (‘Goodbye’ springs to mind) and maybe even the future.
Then again not everyone in I.T. changed their name just because Pat Cousins left. If we change the name of the newsletter every time there is a change within the department we might begin with the name ‘1’. The next name would be ‘2’ and so on ad infinitum. If the newsletter is to be compiled from various sources then there will be differences of style within each issue never mind from one issue to the next. Does a change of style from the newsletter of the ‘80s to the newsletter of the ‘90s necessitate a change of name?
If we keep the name Manus Sinistra will comparisons be made with the ‘original’? If we change the name will comparisons be made with Manus Sinistra? Should we produce a new newsletter all of our own or should we take Manus Sinistra and make it our own.
It’s up to you, dear readers. Let us know what you think. Send your comments and suggestions to the coordinators.
Remember, if you’re not in, you can’t whinge.
Mint Hint
You know when you finally surface the morning after rhe night before and you feel rotten, as it were. Well, Imbus House was obviously the venue for a major Rodent Rave over the Christmas period judging by the remains of the party. Some poor rat was left feeling very rotten indeed. Was it a bad pint or something it ate? Whatever the cause it was ‘coitens for de doitty rat’. The rat snuffed it and we sniffed it. Perhaps a hint of mint would be an improvement. Rats and mice are repelled by mint. It impairs their sense of smell on which they depend for survival. A sprig of mint here and there around Imbus might help to prevent future Rodent Rave. Not only that but mint is reputed to be refreshing and invigorating. So, productivity in Imbus House could reach even greater heights!
Apology
In the last issue of Manus Sinistra, we ran an article which referred to 'The I.T. Times' as a "flaccid rag". We would like to make it clear that this article should have been titled "Habeamus Manus" and not "Habaemus Manus". We apologise for this spelling mistake and regret any distress it may have caused.
Liam’s Lament
A marketing manager, Liam Grimes,
Who was extremely fond of rhyme,
Once said to his colleagues: “I’m
Tired of this pantomime
For which I get paid half a dime
I’m going to write a poem sublime,
By which you’ll see my fame will climb
Above all others for this time
I’m only going to use ONE rhyme!”
His friends said he was past his prime
Perhaps from working overtime,
They said he’d never keep ONE rhyme
Right through a poem. But Liam Grimes
Had started off and by noontime
He’d written fifteen lines of rhyme
Each one the same and by teatime
He’d written more and more betime.
In fact he’d written reams of rhyme.
But listen! Isn’t it a crime?
It happened that a small enzyme*
That looked just like a speck of lime
Had landed on his hand some time,
And as he heard the midnight chime
This enzyme started making slime
That smelt of matters maritime,
And oozed out through his fingers’ grime
And landed on the paper. I’m
Quite sure I do not need to mime
What happened next, but, by bedtime,
This slime and grime had caused a zyme**
Which completely covered Mr. Grimes,
Who was away on business at the time,
In a far off place called Al Qaim***
Which has a hot and humid clime
(Especially in the summertime),
And not at all like cool Trondheim,****
This zyme converted into chyme *****
And soon digested Liam Grimes
Right from his feet up to his cyme. ******
His colleagues called at breakfast time,
And sighed to find this paradigm
Of poets gone. The wonderful rhyme
They took and tied it up in sime *******
And buried in Hildhesheim
And on the grave they planted thyme
- Because “roses” didn’t suit the rhyme.
* Enzyme: Any of a class of complex organic substances that cause chemical transformations of material in plants and animals; formerly called ferment.
** Zyme: A substance causing a zymotic disease.
(Zymotic: A general epither for infectious diseases, originally regarded as being caused by a process analogous to fermentation.)
*** Al Qaim: (pronounced At Kh-yme) Town in Western Iraq, near the Syrian border.
**** Trondheim: Norwegian Town.
***** Chyme: The semifluid pulp acid matter into which food is converted in the stomach by the action of gastric secretion.
****** Cyme: A head (from the French cyme or cime, meaning “top” or “summit”.)
******* Sime: A rope or cord (northern England dialect word last recorded in 1899)
The following two articles, 'Just in Case' and 'Airline Designators' appeared side by side within this suitcase border.
Just in Case
Computer Aided Software Engineering sounds wonderful but what will it do for me? There are a whole range of CASE products in the marketplace, all of them claiming to save you time and energy in developing software systems. Information Systems has two CASE products available.
One is being used for a specialist purpose on an EU funded project with TEAM Aer Lingus and Infologistic, It is a multi product tool used for taking IMS COBOL programs and converting them into an Analysis and Design tool called GRADE. The GRADE CASE Tool then facilitates upgrading the program logic and producing executable code in C for either UNIX or MS-DOS environments.
Another is available for all analysts and designers in Information Systems. It is called SELECT and is available on the IMBUS LAN.
Access to SELECT is open to all through a 386/486 PC with WINDOWS such as the one in the DEMO room. It is very useful for gathering requirements and producing Data Flow Diagrams, Data Models and Structure Diagrams.
Airline Designators
Airline Designators (carrier codes) are used to identify all scheduled airline companies ion the world. The assignment of the designators is handled by IATA. All you have to do is fulfil the assignment criteria and you’ve got a code.
Until a few years ago there were 676 airline designators available (26 x 26 letters). These began to run out and numerics were introduced bringing the number available to about 1,130 allowing for certain combinations of letters and numbers which would not be used.
Today there are only about 75 codes left and it is expected that IATA will begin assigning 3-letter designators to new scheduled airlines later this year when these run out. The move to 3-letter designators will require changes to practically every system supported by I.T.
Joseph McDonagh represented Aer Lingus at two recent IATA Joint Working Group (WG) meetings. The WG was initiated by the Joint Passenger Services Conference in SIN in Oct ’93. Its terms of reference were to find ways of extending the life of the 2 character designator and provide implementation guidelines for the introduction of 3 character designators.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Forum
Having done much preparation with my EI colleagues to persuade the airline world that there better ways to utilise the 2 character airline designators and Orla having efficiently organised all my travel arrangements, I made my way 1030Z to Washington via LHR T4 confident that everything was under control.
Slight delay in departure 1050 ex DUB due rolling fog only served to heighten the excitement and tension for my 90 min connection. I had my bag with me so a short WARR-like trot to the transfer bus should pose no problem.
Smart, confident walk to BA agent with broad (hopeful for upgrade) smile. Attractive beads of sweat on the Brow, SURE!
“You are in seat number xx; no you may not have an upgrade; yes it is a nice day; can I see your VISA please”. Yes, just look in my new EC passport; “I can’t see it”; of course it’s there; beads of sweat turn to rivers; oh my designator! It’s in my old passport: “sorry you are not in any seat now; no I can’t help you; maybe you could do this or this or this”…….
VISA card phonecalls, dash to T1 for friendly EI face. Meanwhile, wife dashes to DAP with old passport (with visa), lunch does down the wrong way. 1530 passport arrives. Hurrah! EI staff at LHR arrange AA pass JFK-WAS. Write down the authorisation number. Now in control again. Walk to T3 to get AA pass. Hand in authorisation number. “What’s this?”. Minor scuffle, no problem. So far have gone from T1 to T4 to T1 to T3. Back to T4, I recognise the bus driver, plenty of time.
1615, T4, different desk, different lady, third degree, why, why, why! I speak in measured tones; the SURE has worn off.
1700, T4 shower washes away all stresses, soothing tones from wife on phone, pizza goes down well.
1830 departure for JFK.
0230Z/2130L JFK. Nothing has changed. Standing in long line for permission to enter, familiar feeling rising, only one chance for the ‘no problem’ 2300 AA departure. Please Miss, can I skip to the front of all these people? “of course you can”.
“No, you can’t run to the AA terminal; you have to take the bus like everyone else”. F..F..Fine. OK, still in control, 2215. AA departure now T minus 45 minutes and counting. Race up to AA agent. “Why sir!, you are in trouble, the previous flight to WAS was cancelled, just let me check for you, mumble, mumble, mumble, no, I can’t do anything for you, please run to the American Eagle gate (which is about a mile from here) and see what they can do .. you’ll be flying in a box!” I think I agree with this last statement.
I cover the mile in just under 4 mins and with familiar beads of perspiration, plead with the agent not to let me down at this stage. “You’re on the S/B lit, flight is oversold and previous flight’s customers want to get out tonight”.
Sitting on the edge of my seat listening to last calls to strange parochial sounding cities and towns in particular to “Would any passengers willing to give up their seats to Washington, please contact an American Eagle agent for a $250 flight voucher, overnight stay in a hotel (with transport to and from), and a guaranteed seat on our morning 0915 service”.
Time ticks away slowly, Einstein was right about relativity. From the haze “all standbys for WAS” breaks through and time speeds up. “You have to get a boarding card over there” (away from the gate!). Four agents (tired from a days work) fight and argue over who has got me – at this stage I don’t care. Boarding cards spew out but none of them are mine, No, that is not smoke coming out of my ears.
One agent handwrites a card and I sprint to the gate, showering kisses in all directions, down the stairs. No bus. Argument. Big black lady with small black man “I can’ git no bus jus’ now, it’s just gon’, I can’ do it” .. two other passengers look like hostesses whisper something to the lady and they walk across the tarmac. I follow but stopped by “you can’ go wit’ dem”, why?, “cos, youse a customa”. Eyes a what?
Quick think .. I also whisper to the lady, airline staff, and I’m allowed walk, accompanied, across the tarmac.
2300L travelling at 1200 feet in an ATR42, “a box”, in calm, clear conditions is not as bad as I thought it might be. Arrival in DCA 0015L, taxi, hotel, relax in warm bath, sleep comes easy.
Author’s name withheld from publication.
The following is an insider's view on the secret to British Airways success.
The Secret is TEA
In the turmoil that has been the airline industry in recent years, BA has successfully returned a profit*. The drive shaft of the precision machine that is BA is kept turning smoothly by the highly underrated lubricant (sic.) that is 'the cuppa'.
The company as a whole is broken down into a large number of carefully defined business units referred to as "tea clubs". They are allocated a cast iron teapot and interestingly a tea strainer (tea leaves are still used).
Each member of the club must make the tea for the entire group once a day. Not only does this create an ambiance of camaraderie, it also provides a huge incentive to work productively. "How?" I hear you ask. Well, faced with the prospect of forcing 14 cups of tea down oneself per day, one has to work like the clappers between refills to get anywhere near one's targets.
Knowing the importance of tea consumption in their own operation, it is with bemusement that the employees of BA consider the plight of their neighbours in EI at the moment. Rumour has it that there is a legendary tea-drinker employed by EI, so given this edge, how can they be so badly off? Fleet replacement** is the only answer they can think of. Not even the influence of 'The Walla' (as he is mystically known) could stem that tide. This lack of business success has not dented this legend's international reputation. Though sightings are rare, the BA staff still reckon that this colossal tea-drinking phantom can emerge as the saviour of the flag carrier. Let's all hope their faith is rewarded.
* Profit: Earning more money than you spend.
** Fleet Replacement: Spending more money than you can possible earn.
Buzzphrase Generator
A | B | C | D |
1. In particular, | 1. a large portion of the interface coordination | 1. must be functionally interwoven with | 1. the ASID software functionality. |
2. On the other hand | 2. a continuous flow of effective information | 2. minimises the time required for | 2. the anticipated TLA hardware architecture |
3. However, | 3. the characterization of specific criteria | 3. adds explicit performance limits to | 3. subsystem compatibility testing. |
4. Similarly, | 4. initiation of critical interface development | 4. necessitates that urgent consideration be applied to | 4. the structural design based on current engineering concepts |
5. As a result | 5. the fully integrated test module | 5. requires considerable system analysis allowing for | 5. the preliminary estimates. |
6. In this regard | 6. the product configuration baseline | 6. is further compounded, when taking into account | 6. the evolution of specifications over a given time period. |
7. Just be aware that | 7. any associated supporting element | 7. presents extremely interesting challenges to | 7. the philosophy of standardization and commonality. |
8. For example | 8. the incorporation of additional mission constraints | 8. recognizes the importance of other systems and the need for | 8. the greater fight worthiness concept. |
9. Thus | 9. the independent function principle | 9. affects the implementation of | 9. any discrete configuration mode. |
0. In respect to specific objectives | 0. the primary inter relationship between system technologies | 0. adds overriding performance constraints to | 0. the total system rationale. |
How to use your BUZZPHRASE GENERATOR
1. Choose a 4-digit number.
2. From column A select the clause that corresponds to the first digit of your chosen number.
3. From column B select the clause that corresponds to the second digit of your chosen number.
4. The clause that corresponds to the third digit of your number is selected from column C.
5. Complete the phrase by adding the clause from column D that corresponds to the fourth digit of your number.
Example
1. 3093
2. 3093 Select clause 3 from column A. However,
3. 3093 Select clause 0 from column B. the primary inter relationship between system technologies
4. 3093 Select clause 9 from column C. affects the implementation of
5. 3093 Select clause 3 from column D. subsystem compatibility testing.
Letters Page
Dear editors,
You know the way Maintenance are labeling every object for faults reporting (eg. HOHD06 for hand-dryer, IMMW01 for the microwave etc..). I agree this is very, very beneficial for accurate and time saving fault reporting.
However, it has come to my attention that many objects have been excluded (through negligence or for political reasons) from the list, e.g. IMBP03 for Imbus broken printer #3. To highlight this anomaly, why not run a competition in your prestigious journal for the most ‘obvious’ objects left out. The winners could be rewarded by having a plaque erected by the object (why not include the person’s name underneath).
Yours…okay, I’ll go back programming now.
Anonymous.
(We asked the author what inspired him to write this letter. He explained that he was HOLBR1 (Head Office Little Boy’s Room) at the time. We asked what was wrong with HOLBR1 that brought the Maintenance problem reporting labels to mind. His reply was ‘No Little Boys’. We didn’t ask any more.) – Coords.
Manus Sinistra…
…a very stupid suggestion…why doesn’t the magazine have competition every issue. However , unlike ‘Disgusting Tie’ and ‘Loud Shirt’ day, where people are warned in advance, it is not natural (i.e. one would not usually dress up like that, I hope) and participation is from the usual gang, the magazine would choose a topic unknownst to most of IT. The magazine editorial staff would then go around for the day/week marking all the contestants and only revealing the results in the following issue. This has a
number of advantages. It ensures everyone enters (whether they want to or not), people are acting naturally and there is an element of surprise when one discovers what competition they have unwittingly entered over the previous weeks, Topics could include ‘mankiest mug’, scruffiest/shiniest shoes, naffiest Netmail message, etc. etc.
(This is this month’s winner of the naffiest Netmail message.)
* BOOZE-UPS * BOOZE-UPS * BOOZE-UPS *
Denise O’Sullivan Feb.25
Jerrie Lawless + Vincent Walsh Mar. 4
Liam Grimes Mar. 18
Departures
Tom Place
Harry Sheridan
Patricia Hegarty
Liz Meany
Jimmy Marsden
Engagements
Judith Whelan and EamonnGuilfoyle
Michael Hackett and xxxx
RESTRUCTURO!
Elementary Rules of Play
The general rules of play are the same as those for normal decision-making, with some necessary additions to govern their application to RESTRUCTURO. These rules enable you to gain all the thrills and excitement of real decision-making in the comfort of your own office.
Teams
A team can be made up of as many managers as are required to come to a decision. This team is generally called a ‘Steering Group’ but you can call your team whatever you like. Each team elects a chairperson whose role will be explained later in ‘Rules for Rolling’.
There is no limit to the number of teams allowed in the game of RESTRUCTURO and a manager can be a member of any number of these teams.
The Roll-Off and After
As in real decision-making, a dice is rolled to see which team begins the restructuring process. Each team continues to roll the dice until their department is restructured or they thro a ‘COCK-UP’.
Playing Time
Each team can expect to take a minimum of 18 months to complete RESTRUCTURO – this time is inclusive of the first rumours that the team has started its turn.
Rules of Rolling
The Dice
Dice are cubes with sides marked 1 to 6.
Odd numbers are 1, 3, 5.
Even numbers are 2, 4, 6.
The Result
After a dice roll if the number is ODD then answer is NO, if the number is EVEN then the answer is YES.
A ‘COCK-UP’ is achieved by throwing 3 consecutive NO results.
Dice Roll
The chairperson of each team undertakes the onerous task of dice rolling. As dice rolling expertise may not be available in sufficient quantities within the organization, external recruitment may be required to fill the posts of chairperson.
The Game - RESTRUCTURO
Step 1: Roll dice.
Step 2: If NO do nothing for 6 months, then return to Step 1.
If YES then restructuring is necessary, so go to Step 3.
Step 3: Roll dice.
Step 4: If NO allow rumours for 1 month, then return to Step 3.
If YES then restructuring is imminent, advance to Step 5.
Step 5: Roll dice.
The result is the number of business areas needed in the restructured
department.
Step 6: Call staff meeting to announce changes with details to follow in 4-6 weeks.
Step 7: Bury hands in an ostrich sand for 4 months.
Step 8: Roll dice.
Step 9: If NO wait 1 week, then return to Step 8.
If YES hold final meeting of ‘Steering Group’ before chairperson leaves
organization.
Step 10: Return to Step 1.
I.T. TIMES
The 12th Annual World Airline Road Race was held in Dublin on Sunday 10th October 1993 and the official results have now been received:
- 10 KM -
Pos | Name | Time | Pos. | Name | Time |
398. | Marian Callanan | 46:51 | 600. | Gary Griffin | 54:42 |
- 5 KM -
Pos. | Name | Time | Pos. | Name | Time |
80. | Dave Halpin | 18:23 | 465. | Marian Callanan | 25:07 |
102. | Brian Drumm | 18:47 | 558. | Cormac Costello | 26:44 |
112. | Alan Moen | 19:07 | 613. | Judith Whelan | 27:38 |
145. | Tony Flynn | 19:37 | 634. | Gary Griffin | 27:58 |
200. | Paul Phelan | 20:38 | 845. | Patricia Davey | 32:02 |
297. | Maurice Bolger | 22:02 | 846. | Mary Lambert | 32:03 |
306. | Jimmy Marsden | 22:13 | 935. | Jerrie Lawless | 35:03 |
376. | Liz Barry | 23:30 |
The pint-followed-by-400-metres-relay team of Gary Griffin, Mike Murnane, Jerrie Lawless and Jimmy Marsden failed to make any real impact in the Saturday afternoon event, leaving Tony Flynn to grab the headlines by ending up on his arse while céilí dancing on the Fall-te night.
Thanks to the others from IT who helped with registration or acted as stewards for the race and also to those who came out on race morning to shout their support/abuse. (Any word on the RACE STAFF t-shirts Jim?)
A special post-WARR disco has been organised for all WARR runners and anyone who helped out over the weekend. Entry is free and it all takes place 22nd February in the function room at ALSAA. Further details from Mobo.
The next race on the calendar is the Inter-D cross country on March 8th around the fields of ALSAA. Mens race 3 miles, women’s 1 mile, teams of three, entry fee 1.00 each.
* * I.T. Anagrams * *
A ROGUE CLIMBER
A NON-MALE
ABLE ‘N’ RANDY
AHA! HORN TALC
AND LATER, GOLF
BEAVER DICKROD
BENNY ROLICS
BRR, Y’RE GREY
CATCH MY END, SIRE
CHEAT THICK MALE
C.J. GONADHOME
FRIGG’N FAIRY
GO PUKE, HAL
HEH! WILD JAUNT
I ‘AD A VICE PARTY
I’M GILES’ RAM
I RISK EATING
LEAKY ORAL
LEVY NAKED CUR
NORMAN L. GIT
MAN KILLER
MOTOR BANG
NAVAN BENDER
NO-ONE APT
O PULL, DONNA
OH MY, A HUN HOG
OR, AAGH, MY NUTS!
OUR FOUR GREEKS
PARRY WHORE
a rk ho a r k ho ny
REP IN BOAT
SENDS VALUE IN OIL
SHAG MO, PHONED C.J.
SHELL OIL CAN
TOE CLAMP
WILL JEER ARSES
YOU ARE ALL LIP
